Bereavement has affected my sense of time. Before this happened, I was well oriented in time. I usually knew within a quarter of an hour what time of day it is, the day of the week, and the date. Now I float in time. If you asked me whether it's three p.m. or ten a.m., I might have to think twice before I answered. I get ahead of myself or behind in the week, thinking it's Tuesday when it's only Monday, or Thursday when it's already Friday.
I'm surprised when dates sneak up on me. What? The first of the month? I even failed to notice February 29th this year, and I always take pleasure in having that extra day in the shortest month.
I always was very jealous of my time, impatient, hating to waste precious moments. Now I'm patient, because I'm indifferent. I don't care much whether the time passes. Just let's get through the day and go to sleep. I have work to do, and I do it, but I take no pleasure in accomplishing things. I enjoy the work, because it makes the day pass.
How long will this apathy and loss of orientation in time last?
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1 comment:
Jeff, I have experienced similar feelings and states when time feels funny or out of whack and weighs too heavily. Years ago, I listened to an audiotape of Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twersky in which he said, "Time takes time." I often reflect on that simple, forgiving idea, and feel a healing.
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