Gaining Wisdom the Hard Way

A few weeks ago we saw "Up the Yantze," a documentary by Yung Chang, a Canadian film-maker, about the poor people who will be displaced by huge "Three Gorges" dam soon to be completed. It begins with the following epigraph:
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest.
It is vaguely attributed to "Confucius," but when I paged through the Analects looking for it, I couldn't find it, and, although it appears all over the Web, no one says exactly where it comes from. I consulted my old college friend, the Sinologist Professor Andrew Plaks of Princeton, who confirmed my suspicion that this is one of myriad gems of wisdom attributed to "Confucius," though they appear nowhere in his writing. (Shades of Charlie Chan.)
Obviously, however, the notion that obtaining wisdom through experience is the bitterest way to do it seemed closely applicable to the wisdom I am gradually gaining by living with bereavement. I have said over and over again that Asher's death has opened my heart in a way that shows me how relatively shallow I have been all my life, and I would agree a million times over to a deal that would leave me shallow and leave Asher alive.
One Web site where I found the "Confucius" quote accompanied it by another, similar one, attributed equally vaguely:
In seeking wisdom, the first step is silence, the second listening, the third remembering, the fourth practicing, the fifth -- teaching others. -Ibn Gabirol, poet and philosopher (c. 1022-1058)
I'd like to see the original Hebrew of that.
Now I am becoming experienced in mourning, and I can compare notes with other bereaved people.
One thing I have become aware of is the disparity between different kinds of knowledge about what happened. Yesterday emotional knowledge came to me (spontaneously, as far as I can tell) of what I had known intellectually from the start: nothing I can do can bring Asher back to life; it's irreversible.
You have no idea how hard it was for me to write those words.