Sunday, January 27, 2008

More of the Eulogy

The next two lines of the eulogy read:
  • Asher was a complex person
  • Asher had an extreme personality
The first statement might have been superfluous. He was intelligent, sensitive, multi-talented, and rebellious - so how could he have failed to be complex?

The complexity of Asher's personality was directly related to its extremeness. He threw himself into projects, conversations, encounters, and experiences with enthusiasm - but he sometimes withdrew and withheld himself, becoming unreachable for a while. He occasionally flew into white hot rages (less and less frequently as he matured), and he often bought extravagant gifts for his friends.

Asher was confused by his own personality and devoted significant effort to self-understanding, especially when he understood that he had done something destructive and wasn't sure why.

I have long had the sense that certain people have chosen to play more demanding roles in life than others, and Asher was definitely someone like that, a bundle of contradictions. He was intelligent, a retentive, critical, and omnivorous reader, but the last thing he wanted to be thought of was an "intellectual." He enjoyed the courses in art history and other fields, to which he was exposed in film school and art school, and he did well in them, but he had no interest in finishing a BA. He was artistically talented, but he never wanted to call himself an artist. He enjoyed business and was good at getting jobs and making money, but he didn't care about money at all. His political opinions verged on anarchism, which may explain why he was not drawn to political activism.

I went on to say that he had a commanding presence. When you went to a restaurant with Asher, he knew how to get the waiters' attention. He was lively with an infectious laugh. For about half a year he was the manager of the tapas bar where he had started as the chef. He stayed in the front room and made sure everyone who entered was greeted and seated, made sure the food was served promptly, made sure the patrons liked what they ordered, gave people the feeling they were welcome and valued. He also had the task of hiring waiters and barmen, and he handled it with maturity and responsibility, interviewing dozens of candidates confidently and conscientiously.

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